Category Archives: Gender Studies

How Do I Love Thee?

[Love me do. Source: Google Search. dreamstime.]

But there is love that makes a cup of tea

Love that loves both who you are and who you want to be

Love that waits for you when you fall behind

That’s the kind of love I hope you find.

~~Gretchen Peters

Like all well-behaved bloggers, I am attuned to the seasons, the quickly changing weather and the hopping about of a true Robin, red breast included. I saw the solitary avian plundering a small portion of the massive lawn leading up to the Library of the New York Botanical Gardens. The bird was feasting with impunity. Yes, he or she had food and nearby water. But once the little tummy is filled, there are other challenges ahead. I’m assuming it was a male, and being male his every fiber, right now, should be trying to find a mate. I hate to say it, but that’s what it’s all about, this time of year. The tidal hormones are raging all around us… Procreate! Build a nest and live happily ever! You’re a bird, you know what to do…(or does he?).

And therein lies another tiny problem. How does he get a date, much less a mate? I taught science, so I would say to the Robin: Use color. Lots of it. Sing. Loudly and seductively. Two out of five senses isn’t much of an arsenal, but one has to use what one has.

Just now, I looked up the scientific name for a Robin. It’s Turdus migratorious. With a first name like that, this bird already has a few strikes against it. I had a fairly normal name, Pat, and I had plenty of trouble finding a mate. Good luck, Turdus. You’ll need it.

So where am I going with this? I should be sitting in the warmth of the sun, on our patio, reading Ulysses. Something light and easy on the eyes. Instead, I tried to find some examples of how someone, in a relationship, expresses their love for their partner. Specifically, some little action, pose, remark, touch or kiss that is often unexpected. But endearing in a major way.

[Here he is. Turdus migratorious. Source: Google Search]

I was propped up in bed, comfortable against the four pillows that kept my back from hitting the solid wood of our headboard. The weather prediction was for clear and sunny conditions, but I found myself pulling another blanket to my chin and stifling a shaking chill. In five minutes, the rain would begin to fall. My iPad sat against my knees. I checked the progress of the book I was reading. There it was: I was reading Demon Copperhead by Barbara Kingsolver. I had to chuckle to myself, I was making serious progress. I had been reading for about three hours, and I was 2% further along than I was when I picked up the book.

I needed a break from reading, so I went to the Amazon App. I was just about to make a final decision on our window treatments when I felt the need to close my eyes for a little Ocular R & R. My mind drifted back to something I read on Reddit about three months ago. It was a question: What are some endearing actions that your partner does that are quirky and are meant only for you.

Some of the responses were thoughtful and interesting… [These comments are reconstructed from my memory. One of them is my own contribution.]

-My wife came up to me from behind. She put her hand on the nape of my neck and then kissed me. I haven’t come back down to earth yet.

-She had long black hair. Straight. It came down over her face, obscuring her cheeks. She rested her chin on her hands and stared intently at me. Her eyes were large and deep green. She listened to me.

-The way she used to gather her hair to make a pony-tail. She was holding the small band in her lips and she had to look at me from an angle. It was such an adorable gesture (she didn’t have any idea how her eyes affected me. I can’t get that little glance out of my head.

-No one ever gave me a surprise party. When I was a young boy, I asked for permission to give a party. Someone said: Smarty gave a party and nobody came. I lived in terror of that happening for decades. Until my wife gave me a true surprise party. It was for my 50th birthday. I will be forever grateful for this gesture for years. Never really forgetting.

(My Favorite)…

-My wife is normally quite introverted. She never likes to be the center of attention. But at home, she is a different person. She can’t sing, but that doesn’t stop her from walking around the house singing, at the top of her voice, how much she loves me. She makes up the words as she sings. I am dumbfounded about how much her heartfelt and simple songs have enriched and enlivened my life.

Yes, it all seems so very delightful. But things were about to change for me. In a very big-time kind of way. I’m sitting, propped against the headboard with my five pillows, and staring out at the patio. I was trying to calculate the sun’s position in the sky and how it lined up with the angle of the solar panel atop our umbrella over our picnic table. It was all looking good. My list of daily complaints was down by one. I was smiling over the fact that I correctly aligned the solar panel so that when and if warmer weather ever arrives, we would have an array of LED lights to brighten our dinners. That, along with my Wonder Boom playing Johnny Cash or Old Crow Medicine Show. Nothing like a quiet evening. As I was reaching for my adult coloring book with the Magenta pencil attached with Velcro (I decided everything in the drawing should be Magenta), Mariam came into the bedroom.

She said: “How would you like to have that Mexican dinner you’ve been begging for?”

I said: “What tonight?”

She said: “Yes. And I have another suggestion. Shall I get tickets to Amateur Night at the Apollo?”

“Yes,” I said.

“Okay,” she said.

I said: “Why?”

She said: “It’s our 31st Wedding Anniversary.”

“I know,” I said.

A few hours later, we were sitting in a cozy restaurant on Broadway & 125th Street. We looked at the menu. Something was wrong. This wasn’t the menu we viewed online back home. It wasn’t the menu because we were in the wrong restaurant. We went next door, and I was soon in Taco Heaven. The show at the Apollo was great fun. I think I had a tiny crush on the tap dancer. Her name was Liberty Stiles. Her style was energetic and soulful. And she had a great name.

So where does all this leave me? One priority is for me to make that final decision on whether I want to improve my jawline definition. I think I’ll hold off a bit on this. It involves Botox, and that has something to do with cattle (I think. If it isn’t cattle, it’s something just as strange).

Amidst all my personal turmoil, the state of the country, the horrible killing in the Middle East…I was a happy guy on that first day of May 2024.

The only thing left is to get through my birthday at the end of the month.

Maybe I should redefine my jawline?

Truth And Lies-Love And Hate

You are right from your side, I am right from mine.

–Bob Dylan “One Too Many Mornings”

I don’t find very many quotes from Dylan that aren’t spot on. 99.999% of his poetry is impossibly true and astoundingly real. They don’t give the Nobel Prize in Literature to just any drifter from Minnesota. But, the above line is where Bob and I part ways.

Maybe I was in the Debate Club in high school, but I can’t remember if I was. But, in some class, at some point a teacher told the class that a successful debater should be able to argue both sides to a question. In theory, that sounds interesting. But it also sounds a bit strange. If you look at it from a salesperson’s point of view then one should be able to sell a refrigerator to an Inuit. Nice, but what’s the point?

Slight shift here, stay with me.

I have been interested in Sociology, Anthropology, Religion and History for much of my adult life. I read many books on rituals, customs, ideologies and beliefs. I tried to keep an open mind to all sides of all issues. But in the last several decades, I have come to a truth. And that truth is that every custom or ritual is not, by definition, true or wise or even just.

There are not two sides to every story.

When I look at the world now, I see it in a new fresher light. Many things that cultures do are proper…and many are not.

It’s so easy for people to stand back and say: “Oh, it’s their custom. We must respect that.” That is a very dangerous worldview.

Using this logic (does that even exist anymore?), a German citizen in 1939 could justify any comment about what the real problem in society is…and propose a solution. I’m tired of trying to see things from another POV when that view is simply wrong.

-Preventing the women in many religions to be fully free and equal to men is wrong.

-Customs that go back a millennia, i.e., the genital mutilation of young girls is not justifiable in any way. What God would want such a thing? The answer is no loving God would. It’s simply control over females, by men who use Holy Texts as an excuse.

-Cult leaders who stand at their pulpits and say: “God has told me that I can have as many wives as I would like…and they be thirteen-years-old.” Do I need to even say anything about the idiocy of this practice.

I could go on, but that would darken my spirits even more than they already are. Lies and hypocrisy have cast a dark and evil blanket over the world. The USA’s government has to share the blame.

Dylan’s quote is true on one level at least. In personal relationships, each person brings their own baggage into the room. That burden (baggage) can be the result of a lifetime of experiences. As long as that isn’t used to justify violence, it’s okay.

As long as religion and God aren’t there to support someone’s hatred or prejudice, then I have no problem.

Some things are true and good, and some things are false and evil.

There’s no debate.

The Curse Of The Uninformed

Our lives are universally shortened by our ignorance.

~~Herbert Spencer, Principles of Biology, 1867

[DNA Double Helix. Photo credit: National Human Genome Project. Art: Darryl Leja.]

Your blogger is back. It’s a mildly-warm late August afternoon here on the Upper West Side. I just completed my first attempt at Wordle (did it in 4 !). Not bragging, just sayin…

I also put aside my copy of Killers of the Flower Moon by David Grann. I’m fairly sure it’s a banned book in Florida but I can’t say for certain. It does meet all the requirements of DeSantis & friends: it describes the terrible things we (yes, we white people) did to the Osage Indians in the early part of the 20th Century. Wait for the movie this fall. Read the book, it won’t kill you. It won’t pollute your mind but it may and should make you uncomfortable about the real facts of American History, you know, the acts that our collective ancestors perpetrated on the Indigenous People.

If you haven’t picked up on it yet, I’m feeling a bit collywobbled today. Sort of a hangover from watching a certain debate on Wednesday night on Fox. I actually heard with my own ears one of the candidates (gaining in the polls?) say, out loud and into a mic: “Climate change is a hoax.” I ran to the phone to make an appointment with my Audiologist. I must have heard him wrong. It must have been my inner ear issues acting up again (I did feel dizzy when he said it).

Two issues have been on my mind of late. I’m going to try to cover these ideas in this screed (blog). The Common Ground: 1) People are complex and, 2) Freedom of expression and ideas are essential, today more than ever.

But I digress, so let’s cut to the chase. Let’s talk about sex.

I am so sick of the growing intolerance of those people who have chosen (or been born with) ambiguous gender. I taught science for over thirty years so I have some informed things to say here.

It is NOT a scientific fact that every human on the planet is born into one of only two sexes. I want to make a clear point here. Your sex is how you were born. Your gender is how you perceive yourself. Most people are born either XX (female) or XY (male). But one can also be born with only one X chromosome. (XO). Some can be born XXY. A person cannot be born YY. The birth would end in a certain miscarriage. The Y chromosome contains the genes that make life processes possible. But the whole thing gets more complicated than that.

Everyone should have the choice of how they want to live. That brings up the multitude of gender identities. An example: In India there is a whole group of people (Higras) who choose not to be in either of the two genders. They offer blessings to the Hindu families, often these visits at weddings, births etc are unwelcome. They have been subject to violence and abuse. That is changing thanks to laws enacted several years by the Indian government that makes it illegal to discriminate. (Some of our states could learn a lesson here).

Here is a photo of a Higra, a major spokesperson for the cause of inclusion:

[Hijra spokesperson. They are often called India’s 3rd Gender. Photo: Wikimedia Commons.]

In the interest of space, I need to move on to my second topic. Don’t fret, I’m not drifting too off topic. In fact, this Part 2 is a little sharing of what I found whilst trolling the internet about genetics and uncommon traits. This is all quite interesting.

~~~

This is a brief sample of rare traits that show up in the vast Human Genome. I’ll start with something I can spell easily.

Poliosis

This trait displays itself in humans by a distinct white streak in the hair. It is passed down by the mother (XX). Here is an example:

[Mother & child with Poliosis. A mark of beauty and not something connected to Cruella de Vil. Photo: fatima.theo.gomes.]

Sectoral Heterochromia

Here is a trait that is even more rare. An eye that has two different colors. An example:

[An awesome eye color (s). Photo: Photo_m_for_Minion.]

Sunflower Eye

Another rare eye color that includes a peculiar pattern. Example:

[Sun flower eye. Very rare and very striking. Photo: AlwaysSpinClockwise.]

Vitiligo Heterchromia

Once more, a rare eye color. This example shows a woman with two different eye colors:

[Photo: Reddit.com.]

If you’re interested in more rare genetic traits, Google away. I’m showing these images to you because it’s my way to illustrate that small segments of the population have certain conditions that make them outliers. A celebration of the vast diversity of human beings. This applies to gender choices to eye color to conditions that are harmful and often fatal. It’s Darwinism.

Evolution is real. Those who deny it are denying facts that can be supported by science.

Climate change is real. Evolution is happening as I write this. The world is full of variety and diversity. Gov. DeSantis is not aware, it seems, of critical thinking skills. Too bad expensive educations at Yale and Harvard were such a waste of time.

I don’t often post political blogs. But I’m getting pretty tired of INTOLERANCE and CLOSE-MINDED THINKING. It’s far too common today, when gun violence and lynchings and hateful actions are more and more common.

There is an increasing amount of flapdoodle being put forth these days.

Limited minds make for a limited and dark future. The clouds are already gathering.

I’m worried.