Category: satire
-
Cabin Fever 101
[A view from the front door. Photo is unfortunately mine.] Mais ou sont les neiges d’antan! [Oh, where are the snows of yesteryear!] –Francois Villon I can tell you where the snows of yesteryear are. I can also tell you where the snows of today are…and I can tell you where the snows…
-
The Three-Eyed Turkey From Mars
Reprinted from the Journal of Unbelievable Results, Nov. 2017. Vol. 1, No. 1. About ten or fifteen years ago, the New York Post ran a bold, full-page headline which read: Life On Mars! (or something like that). It seems that one of the NASA Mars rover vehicles turned over a small rock and analyzed the sand…
-
Dead Man’s Bone
[Source: Google search] This is not about a toothache as the photo suggests. It’s about me walking around with 0.5 cc of granules of a dead persons bone in my gums (ignore the gender reference in the title. It’s purely for dramatic effect. I thought it sounded spooky). For the next several months, my body…
-
Dante’s Ninth Circle of Hell is in My Kitchen
The ice cubes freeze quickly, too quickly. I don’t even have time to think what the ice was for…a martini (I don’t drink them), a Coke Zero (I don’t drink it), a single cube to chill my wife’s Chardonnay? Now, that’s likely. But one thing I can say…and this can be a warning to all…
-
The Night Of The Living AA’s: Report #3
I’m sitting on the sofa in our screened-in porch listening to the rain falling, heavily and with vigor, on our deck, roof and the new leaves of the maples. I want another mug of Dorset tea, but that would mean going into the kitchen one more time. I’m reluctant to do that. There is something…
-
Listless In Fort Myers: The Harsh Realities Of Wintering In Paradise
I’m sitting on the wooden walkway, on a green metal bench, sipping an iced coffee. I’m watching a Cessna single-engine plane pull an advertising banner across the slightly blue hazy sky. The banner is telling us to shop at the Tanger Outlet Mall. I look around and realize that this is the mall I’m in…
-
I Dreamed I Saw Saint Augustine
It was going to be a great day. I even had a ready-made title for this blog. I was going to life a song title by the one and only, Bob Dylan. We only had about 120 miles to drive from Brunswick to St. Augustine, FL. That’s not even enough to break a sweat–that would come…
-
Living With Humidity
This is going to be a brief post dealing with an issue that I have a feeling is only going to get worse. Yes, it will only get worse as we continue our road-trip deep into Florida. I’m talking about humidity. Remember last summer when you were sitting on your patio sipping a Bud Lite…
patrickjegan 