[This is one of my casual socks after I took a small pair of scissors to it. You know the kind of scissors I mean. The ones with the strange curve that seems to have no purpose. Yes, it was an intentional act done by myself and well within the realm of reason. Photo is mine.]

Can we wear Spandex and blow things up?

~~Lisa Mantchev

I hate Spandex. I hate anything that rhymes with Spandex, with the exception of Windex. The reason for that is that Windex has a purpose, it leaves glass surfaces clean and sparkly. Spandex, on the other hand, leaves ugly grooves in my ankles and mid-calves. And even on my waist if I, by mistake, purchase a pair of BVD’s that has that dreaded 99% amount of Spandex.

The product itself was likely manufactured for the first time in the late 1940s or early 1950s. I can accurately estimate those dates because that’s when my socks began to hurt my ankles. I assume too many kids complained about their socks drooping unfashionably.

Heaven forbid droopy socks.

I wish I could proclaim my hatred for this space age wonder fabric from the highest mountain, but that would be impossible. The amount of Spandex in any hiking socks needed to reach that mountain top would, for certain cut off the blood circulation to my lower leg rendering my foot to darken and then eventually fall off due to a major circulatory malfunction of my once healthy legs.

Spandex may have some useful purpose but I’ve tried for years to think of one and have yet not succeeded. The one exception could possible be in the design and make-up of the strapless evening gown.

But that’s another blog post for another day.

Before I end this screed, I will state here and now that I will not end my battle against the ever-tightening war that the Spandex makers have waged against my ankles.

I’ll fight them at the retail counter. I’ll fight them on the bargain shelf. I’ll fight them at Macy’s and I’ll fight them at Walmart.

Make no mistake, there will be no vandalizing…I will simple carefully read the label and if the amount of Spandex is anything above 22%, I’m moving on down the street.